Dear God of Beastmastery

hulkredDear God of BM,

For some time, I felt your presence.  I always knew you were there to tell me how things went, how to be the best beastmaster I could be.

You even sent to us and Avatar of your existence, and he has fulfilled his duty.

But now, even your avatar has abandoned your cause, if only for a little while.

So here’s my question… what will become of us?

…God of BM?

Aw hell, he’s not answering, so I’ll do my best.  Here’s what I think will happen, although it isn’t going to happen for at least a few months.

First, Hunters will find a niche.  Those who didn’t like BM but stayed anyway because it dealt the most damage will now find somewhere else to go.  Maybe they’ll like SV enough to stay there.

Second, hunters will show their true colours.  Those who steadfastly said “I’m never respeccing”, but then they respec, will be noticed.  Die hard beastmasters will remain so, and the number of BM blogs will deteriorate for a bit, to be replaced by survival and marksmen blogs.

Third, Loq will become a badge of tenacity and showmanship.  He will be even harder to find in the city than ever, and this won’t change until BM see’s the spotlight again.  This will also make him easier to hunt, as the number of people camping his spawns willl be reduced.

Lastly, BRK Worldwide Amalgamated will be renamed one of three things: Daniel and Hobbes, Small Purple Kitty, or DY-NA-MIGHT.  The owner’s of Calvin and Hobbes will sue for copyright, only to lose because of the military assault conducted by millions of rabid Howell fans, who will have also taken over Blizzard’s vast fortune.  As a direct result, BRK’s massive ego will be stoked to a point where he will take over Canada, and then with it’s resources, the world.  No one will stop him from taking over Canada because there are too many nice people up here, and we’d rather have him than Stephen Harper anyway.  Unfortunately, Rilgon will go mad at the sight of an Ex-BM taking over the world chair.  He will then assassinate BRK, the first and last president of the world.  His funeral would be held in game, and would be trashed by the local Scourge forces. Rilgon would escape, and continue to lead MM uprisings for the better part of a decade before finally dying in a freak hunting accident.

Slow Wolf will continue to write as a Beastmaster regardless.

That is what will happen until the next patch.



  1. Pfft, I couldn’t assassinate him, he makes me laugh too much.

    But I demand a cabinet position. Secretary of Technology and Explosives, IMO.

  2. That is quite a disturbing chain of events.

    Have you ever considered the possibility that we all might decide to go out on one big happy-hunter-family picnic?

  3. “we’d rather have him than Stephen Harper anyway” = FO’SHIZZLE!!!

    Ahem. Actually, let me sing that:

    Our home and native land!
    True patriot love in all thy hunters command.
    From far and wide,
    FO’Shizzle, we stand on guard for thee!”

    /ducks from tomatoes.

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