Alternate Timelines and Picnics

picnic2008It seems people would rather have a picnic than BRK for a president, so I took a moment to think about this.

I guarantee that a picnic would be awesome, but then the entire time line would have to change.

If BRK was to hold a SPK(Small Purple-white Kitty, Lienna’s term) picnic, the series of events would go like this:

The picnic is held.  Every hunter in existence decides to join in, and spend a merry time with everyone else.  However, like most events that huge, there will be asshats.

A character by the name of XxLegolassxX will drink way too much, and will try to do a William Tell impression with his pet.  Unfortunately, he hits the pet square in the forehead, the first time he’s actually hit anything with his +spellpower gear.

Mania and other pet lovers declare this an affront to pets in general, and have him executed.  The D.E.H.T.A will see this as an opportunity to rise as a prominent force in Azeroth, and will establish themselves as the D.A(nd).H(unters).E..H.T.A, thereby making them able to tank, dps, and heal effectively.  The DAHEHTA will then sue SPKWWA for not establishing proper security measures, and will convert all of his followers.

Pike, being a member of the druid community as well as the hunter community, would take over the leadership of of DAHEHTA and would become the figurehead of the group.  With the legions of SPKWWA and DAHEHTA at her finger tips, Pike resolves to do some good, and in her fervor, she decides that all pets should get the same rights as people.

Marching up to Washington, the legions of Pike force congress to pass this bylaw, as a way to honour pets around the globe.  They are forced to acknowledge this bylaw.  The “Pets are people too” bylaw goes into effect immediately.

Due to a misunderstanding, this means that animals can become the leaders of the nation.  Hobbes somehow becomes the leader of the United States, and he gets rid of all other congress.  He manages to do this by killing them all, and failing to replace them.  Any attempts to dislodge the tyrant kitty are met with failure, and Hobbes becomes ruler of the United States of Hobbes.

In a bid to restore power to the people, Hemet Nesingwary vows to hunt Hobbes down, and restore the USH back to being the USA.

Hemmet fails too though, as he hasn’t done any actual hunting in almost 3 games, and as such, his skills were rusty.  He’s eaten for supper.

Hobbes takes pity on his former master, and allows him to become VP.  BRK’s other duties include feeding, grooming, and litter box duty.

Hobbes then falls into a romantic relationship with a stray cat.  His new wife becomes the First Lady-cat.

Hobbes then chokes on a hairball, at which point, he falls into a coma.

The First Lady-cat then runs away, as cats are prone to do, and leaves her litter in BRK’s care.  In which, there is a little one that looks like Hobbes.  BRK names him Junior.

BRK assumes the mantle of leadership, bringing back congress, and eliminating the “Animals are people too” bylaw.  He then steps down, and elections are held once more.

Junior becomes BRK’s new partner in crime, and together, they re-establish their legions.  Pike disbands the DAHEHTA and continues to blog as she used to.

Another picnic is had, this time with a much smaller group.  Cheese and sausage rolls are had by everyone, and everyone went home, and then played some more WoW.

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12 comments

  1. OMNOMNOM SAUSAGE ROLLS!

    I was walking past a Greggs today, and I thought, you know, I could go a sausage roll and an empire biscuit… but my friend wouldn’t let me! 😥

    -hopes his work has proper empire biscuits for his shift tomorrow, the blue ones were dodgy-

    Random comment is random.

  2. Blue is a pretty dodgy colour for food, on that I will agree.

    Has anyone ever actually seen a blue raspberry? I ask you. That is completely unnatural.

  3. !!! Blue smarties + me = drunk on sugar =D actually anything with blue in it sends me off, apart from strawberry laces coated in sugar, those work quite well too… -stabs self for talking nonsense as pers usual =]- I iz on j00r blog, commentun j00r poust ^^ x

  4. KAZURA.

    I THOUGHT I HAD YOU CONTAINED TO MY BLOG.

    OH GODS

    SHE’S OUT IN UR BLOGGOSPHERE, COMMENTIN UR BLOGS!

    NUUUU!

  5. I would totally make a better First Lady Kitty to Hobbes than any stray would!

    Just don’t let him find out about my bear and cow forms, and he should probably mind the horns.

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