So, You Really Want To Know?

In ur base, lookin' for corpses

In ur base, lookin' for corpses

Well then, fine.  I’ll talk.  But only because I was promised a present by Klinderas.

My name is Colemand, and I am a Death knight.

I wasn’t a Death Knight by choice, mind you.  I once was a human.  A delicious, tender human.  I was a priest in life, and I did a damn good job.  I ran my own damn church.

Until the Scourge came into the kingdom, and wiped us all out.  Arthas is a bugger, but he’s not stupid.  He harvested my corpse, and I was sent to attack the nearby areas.  I don’t know where exactly, as being a zombie kinda makes your memory about as useless as an elf.

What’s that Klinderas? You’re offended? TOO BAD.  Go back to your hole, you whiny bastard.  Yeah, Silvermoon, whatever.  For the love of Sylvanas you’re a pain, you know that?

Speaking of which, I was released by Sylvanas when she first gained power.  I remembered my roots, and tried to be a priest.  However, my powers over the light had waned, and I realized my powers over shadow had inceased by quite a bit.  Mind you, this didn’t deter me, and I set out to try to re-learn the ways of the light.

This was a completely stupid thing to do though.  I ran into a whole mess with the Spice- I mean, Scarlet Crusade, and I went and beat the crap out of them some more in their cathedral.

Now, this is when I decided I should see the plaguelands.  My home had been in Andorhal, and I wanted to see it.

Bad idea, it turns out.  The Scourge stationed there kicked my bony butt, and I died a second time.  For once, I thought, I could freakin’ sleep.

But nope, Arthas is a prick.  By pure bloody chance, he picked my damn corpse and re-animated it AGAIN.  Now, at this point, I didn’t remember anything, but if I did, I’d be pissed, ’cause this was just too much.  I was another Death Knight, just like all the others around me.

I started doing a few missions, nothing difficult.  Pick up the arrows, steal a horse, slaughter a company of Crusaders…

But after a while, I began to do very well for myself, and I was chosen to  attack Light’s Hope.  At this point, I had a fathom of who I was as I had met a Forsaken prisoner who was once a parishioner at my church.  I had to kill him though.  Pity.  Bah, such is unlife.

In any case, Arthas stabbed us all in the back, and then.. Tirlon? Tirgion? I don’t remember, they all sound the same.  In any case, some human beat off Arthas, and I helped to take back the Ebon Hold.

At this point, I was sick of the Plaguelands, and I was about to leave when Darion requested I go to Orgrimmar.  Now, Orgrimmar is an okay place.  Lots of Liquor, fighting, food.  I said, “sure, why not” and went on my way.

I got to Thrall, and gave him the letter.  He gave me a once over, and said “Colemand, was it? Look, I really could care less.  Do you honestly think I haven’t done this before? Get your bony ass into the Outlands and out of my face.”

Okay, not exactly word for word, but I swear it was similar.  Either way, that’s my story.

Now where the hell is my present you blasted elf!?

You brought me Fel Orcs!? I’ve never tried them! Maybe they’ll go well with some paprika…

*munch* *munch*

… this tastes absolutely terrible.  It’s like eating shoe-leather that’s been wrapped in burnt bacon for a week.

*munch*

Then again, it does have a nice aftertaste… almost minty.

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3 comments

  1. @ Faulsey
    Yes, you should guess how the Elves tasted. Just don’t tell Klinderas, he gets offended sometimes… Here’s a hint: roast marshmallow.

    @ Harii
    To say the least. He’s constantly saying how GREAT he is, and how he’ll kill us all and all that stuff. He hasn’t managed to do anything right though, and if he’d just shut his yap, he could have killed… Leerion?

    In any case, he kinda needs to shut up.

Comments are closed.