Ask Colemand: How Do Trolls Taste?

And now, your host, COLEMAND!

And now, your host, COLEMAND!

Ah, hello.

It has been some time since Klinderas has seen fit to grant me a chance at an audience.

So, I threatened to cut his hair.  That got him to allow me to talk with you again.

You also haven’t been asking a lot of questions, but people have submitted a few nonetheless.  To those people, I thank you.  Answering questions is a great way to pass the time, and I have a hell of a lot of time to kill.

Unfortunately, I can’t eat dead time.  I wonder how that would taste.


But that’s a bit too philisophical for my tastes.  Heh.  Tastes.  I’m witty.

Why do you like swimming?
Swimming is something I’ve begun to enjoy only recently, I’m afraid.  When I discovered that I didn’t need air anymore, I tried to stay underwater for as long as possible.  It’s actually very pretty to see a lake from the inside.

I like being able to swim because is gives me the ability to fly… within limits, I concede, but fly nonetheless.

Another great plus is the look on your face when I jump out, before I kill you and eat the remains.


Are you cold?
I don’t really know, I couldn’t feel my own temperature even if I had a mortal coil.  However, I think I might be a bit cold.

Seeing as I don’t normally touch living things, there really aren’t any third parties who would know either.

I could use a blanket though.

How do Trolls taste?
Depends on the troll.  The kinds I have tasted have been green and blue.  The green ones taste like mold and mushrooms, actually.  I kind of expected them to taste like salad, but they don’t.

Blue trolls don’t taste much different than the green ones, but they lack the moldy taste.  I prefer blue ones, as they are always pretty tender.

The other thing about troll meat is that it’s like bread: it expands in your stomach.  Because of trollish regenerative properties, a missing limb or something can grow to be a miniature slug or something.  Particularly powerful trolls have been known to regrow their limbs, and the old limb becomes a mini-troll.  They’re usually eaten, though.

Oh, and forums trolls! Almost forgot about them.

Forum trolls taste like anguish, if that makes any sense.  Goes well with water, of all things.  Salty, salty water.  Something akin to tears, I would guess.  Combining the two tastes like popcorn, of all things.

I’ve had the most experience with forum trolls, overall.  Why do you think this website is devoid of trolls so far?


That’s all for today.  If you have any questions for the Colemand, drop them off in the slowwolfblogATyahooDOTca mailbox.  Klinderas, Cluro, and I all really like to answer questions.

Remember everyone! A good chef keeps their outfit clean and their hands washed! Keep those elbows in, or you’ll knock someone over.  If that happens, fight the urge to eat them.  I’ve lost at least 3 sous-chefs in this way.  They’re not easy to replace, either.



  1. Colemand .. eats ….. trolls?? Well, I suppose that is fair, considering that some tribes eat their own kind, buuut … I think I will keep Roz far, far away from him anyway. o.O

  2. Well, he’s a… what’s the word… a chef that’s into an “aggressive” expansion of ideas. He’ll try almost anything.

    He won’t eat you unless you’re one of three things:
    1. An enemy.
    2. Dead.
    3. Or you piss him off, which results in 1 and ends in 2.

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