Ask Colemand: Music Edition

And now, your host, COLEMAND!

And now, your host, COLEMAND!


It’s been a long time, hasn’t it? I bet you all grew a bit, and smell different too.

Me? Oh no, I’m dead.  The only that changes for me nowadays is the consistent lack of proper exercise.  I’ve been enjoying Nagrand quite a bit, and I really don’t want to leave.  The Mag’Har are kind enough to pay me not to swim, and there’s an infinite supply of Talbuk to eat despite Hemmet’s best efforts.  This is a bloody paradise.

Bloody.  Heh.  I’m good.

In any case, I was sitting back, enjoying the nether UV rays when I heard music.  I turned to look at what it was, and it was a concert, here in Nagrand! I decided to listen to it, and instead of being entertained, I grew exasperated.

I had no clue that musicians were either so incredibly stupid, or didn’t know anything.  All their songs talk about are love(which is dumb to sing about anyway), why does _______(insert something here) happen, or about this gods-be-damned world.

More often than not, it’s about this love thing, and I have no clue why.  It’s an emotion that is “hard to place” you say? Nonsense.  Love is a simple means of finding someone who, like yourself, can’t think straight.  You can’t sing about love because it’s fluid, undefined, and not a physical thing.  To try to give shape to something without shape is meaningless; however, you can compose music that shows love.  Specific loves, mind you, but loves nonetheless.

In any case, these dolts decided to ask me their questions through music.

How do I breathe without you?
Now, this is very important, and we’re going to have to work fast.  But stay calm! Stop trying and failing to hyperventilate! I said stop! HEY! Stop breathing so hard for one minute, and I’ll explain it to you damnit! I said… aw hell, she passed out.  She’s obviously new to this game.


Have you heard of a secret chord?
Nope.  There’s no such thing.  Every chord playable to the western ear is documented and known by any professional musician.  The trick is not in coming up with new chords, it is in arranging them properly.

Properly, however, is a little vague.

I’m back! Do you still love me?
Let me explain something to you, “friend”.

First I was afraid, I was petrified.  Kept thinking I could never live without you by my side.  But I spent so many nights thinking how you did me wrong, and I grew strong… I learned how to carry on!

And so you’re back.  From outer space.  I just walked in to find you here with that sad look upon your face! I should have changed my stupid lock, I should have made you leave your key, If I had known for just one second you’d be back to bother me!

Go on now go! Walk out the door! Just turn around now… ’cause you’re not welcome anymore.  Weren’t you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye, you think I’d crumble… you think I’d lay down and die!

Oh no, not I! I will survive! As long as I know how to love I know I will stay alive. I’ve got all my life to live, I’ve got all my love to give… and I’ll survive.  I will survive!!

Hey HEY!


Until next time, everyone, keep up the music!


One comment

  1. Hahah. You asked not long ago what we, your readers, wanted more of on your blog. One word: Colemand. Can’t. Get. Enough.

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